I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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