I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
where does the pee come out of this thing
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
