im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize