I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
