found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize