i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize