she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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