i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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