i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
