Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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