Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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