i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
The best revenge is premature balding
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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