btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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