yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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