I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
