garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
