I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
