I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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