rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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