I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
