i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
