Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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