I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
