I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
