i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
