Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
