when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Green mimosas i think yes
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
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