Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize