I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize