Pappa wants mamma naked
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
