MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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