You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
