I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
