Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
