it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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