my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize