just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just want nice things and good sex
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
