we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm way too hungover for life right now
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
