***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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