8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
