We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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