I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
