Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
