i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
two words: eviction party
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
