yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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