Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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