i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize