he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
