I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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