i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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