soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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