I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
