I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
