I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
