dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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