Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
