I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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