i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
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