im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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