Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
