haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
