Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
