i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
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