And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
