Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Just invented taco cereal.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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