Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
