return my video game
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
