so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
