Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
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