I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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